In my line of work, I come across lots of obscure songs. But despite my not knowing the songs' contexts, blocking, characters, or anything besides the music and lyrics on the page, I sometimes fall in love with them. Here is one of my favorites.

A guy uses every tactic he can think of to convince himself that he's not in love. This simple premise can describe a few songs—“What Do I Need with Love” from Thoroughly Modern Millie (2002) quickly comes to mind—but none of them are quite as methodical or ridiculously thorough as “I Can't Be In Love” from Goldilocks (1958). I crack up every time I see someone perform it. Baritones, if you need a Golden Age comedy song, this is it. Here's a preview of the lyrics; it should give you a good idea of the clever rhymes, the manic energy, and the sheer volume of excuses he gives.

I CAN'T BE IN LOVE,
I CAN'T BE IN LOVE!
YOU CAN SEE THAT I'M
A. UNSTABLE,
B. UNABLE,
C. UNPREPARED TO MARRY HER OR ANY OTHER.
IT'S AN INCONVENIENT TIME
AND FURTHERMORE I'M
MUCH TO YOUNG TO LEAVE MY MOTHER.

I CAN'T BE IN LOVE,
I CAN'T BE IN LOVE!
IT'S APPARENT I'M
A. TOO RISKY,
B. TOO FRISKY,
C. JUST A GUY OF UNRELIABLE LIBIDO;
I AM SURE TO STRAY
AND ANYWAY
I SIMPLY DO NOT OWN A GOOD TUXEDO.

YES, SHE'S SWEET.
YES, SHE'S CLEVER.
I ADMIT
I COULD SIT
AND LOOK IN HER EYES,
HER BEAUTIFUL EYES FOREVER.
NEVER!

I CAN'T BE IN LOVE,
I CAN'T BE IN LOVE!
FOR THE RECORD I'M
A. UNSTEADY,
B. UNREADY,
C. UNAVAILABLE IN CERTAIN BUSY SEASONS;
I'M A BOOR
AND IMMATURE
AND UNEMPLOYED AND THEN BESIDES I HAVE MY REASONS!

If you'd like to listen to it, here's a YouTube link.